Quite a tough thing to ask God to seek our heart, or seek the core of who we are. The heart is where our intentions, our real desires come from. To open ourselves up to God in this manner is huge for true, total disclosure. There are always things we hold to ourselves when it comes to "opening up" because we don't feel like others could handle our "truth bombs", so we keep those to ourselves. Full disclosure is always partial disclosure when it comes to sharing our heart. The Psalmist in these passages skipped the usual "game playing" when stating this prayer to the Lord. To keep intall in context we must look at the beginning of the chapter. In verses 1-3 David, the writer says,
"O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, and are intimately acquainted with all my ways. So the "search is on" from the beginning by a man who was known as "a man after God's own heart." This was part of that man's process in getting to know the heart of God, and that process included a purging of any evil thoughts or intentions in his own heart. We think and look at the outside of a person, but remember, God looks at the heart. In fact, keep this in mind, when David says in verse 13 "You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb" This is a man who wants no restrictions in his relationship with the Lord, so he basically "bares his soul." He knew this is the God who did not look at his outward appearance, but looked at his heart when choosing him to be king. David apparently wanted that same upfront relationship with the God who looked at the purity of his heart at one point in his life and he knew that there was hope when that happened again. So David turns to the God who knit his heart together and opens himself up for rebuke or whatever so he could be right before the Lord again. He came back to his maker and his sustainer and asked Him to evaluate (search) his heart and see if it was right or wrong. He may have played games before, but this time it was a very deep desire that revealed his heart was truly searching. Searching pure truth from the God who made him. Please allow me to quote from the movie A Few Good Men. "You don't want the truth. You can't handle the truth!" For me this might be the case. Would your prayer be "God search me and show me my true self. " Not my perception, but the real me." In our search, would it be more than we can handle to actually see ourselves for who we are? How freeing that would be to get the truth out in the open.
I think a lot of our problems as disciples is we don't really want to know the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We want a watered-down version of it so we can swallow it. Without the watering down we might be overwhelmed by our evil self and wrong motives for what we do. Too sobering for self drunk disciples who live a lie at our core. In reality we cannot escape the truth of ourselves though, because God made us as well. And our inner heart is totally open to him, and the avoidance of the truth is revealed when we truly come to God in humility with a contrite heart. Contrite - (def) feeling or expressing remorse or penitence; affected by guilt. In order to avoid feelings like guilt, we put up a fake front to try and convince ourselves, and everyone else that everything is fine. Just fine. 100% of the time I ask a person how they are doing they will say "Doing great, doing fine." Is that true? God knows and he is wanting to show us ourselves if we will just allow Him to search our hearts and reveal his conclusion to us.
So what will it be? Brutal honesty received from the God who made us and formed our heart and forgave our sins and gave us His Word? Or will it be the status quo form of truth that allows us to play the game of life on our own terms. If you are willing. He is willing. For me and my life. The search is on! Lord show me who I am in You and make me a vessel that can be used for Your glory! By the way, I do mean that from a pure heart.
The Pilgrimage continues,
David Warren
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